At war with a fixed mindset
How I'm learning to grow and loving it
If I tell you a secret, promise you won’t tell anyone? I’m at war with a fixed mindset.
According to this helpful summary from HBS, “Someone with a growth mindset views intelligence, abilities, and talents as learnable and capable of improvement through effort. On the other hand, someone with a fixed mindset views those same traits as inherently stable and unchangeable over time… The concept of growth and fixed mindsets was coined by psychologist Carol Dweck in her 2006 book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.”
I see its fingerprints all over my life. I readily defer, delegate, or deprioritize anything I feel I’m not good at. Does this mean that I don’t take on new challenges? No. It just means that they were much fewer in number and lesser in magnitude than they could be.
Conversely, I also recognize that my biggest growth has come from instances where I broke the fixed mindset and challenged myself. Leaving comfort in the US in 2008 for a role as the first researcher in Google India was a huge risk. But the result? It was an inflection point in my life — no exaggeration. I learned more about myself in that year than I had ever before.
5 ways to battle a fixed mindset
If you don’t give yourself the space to be challenged, then you’ll never know what you’re capable of. A few things that I’ve found to be helpful as I fight this battle.
Take baby steps. There’s no shame in starting small to build your confidence. Last week, I took a trip to the library with my boys. My wife and boys, bless them, are avid readers. I, while being a voracious learner, have never really enjoyed reading. I LOVE learning new things — podcasts, audiobooks, YouTube videos, short-form articles — sign me up. But books have rarely held my attention. Yet, oddly, I feel SO inspired when I am at the library. I want to read everything. I love the smell of books. It brings me back to a simpler time, learning the dewey decimal system at the Chicago Public Library (yes, I know I’m dating myself). On this day, I decided I was going to start small. No 400 page manifesto of complex life-altering psychology. Nope. The librarian (after I poured out my soul to her about wanting to become a reader) pointed me towards a light-hearted mystery. I started reading and was hooked. To my great surprise, I finished the book in a few days. Now, I’m on to stealing more books from my son’s bookshelf. Maybe I can be a reader after all.
Ask for help. Asking for help can be key to unlocking glimmers of hope and getting that first taste of growth. Find someone who seems further along the path than you are. Appeal to their kindness. Tell them what you’d like to do and why it’s important to you. Just like I told the librarian that I wanted to be like my children and I wanted to feel great curling up with a book. They’ll find it in their heart to help you and you’ll be on your way.
Sign up to help! A bit counterintuitive but hear me out. When you’re caught in that frozen state where you neither feel able to do something or you keep telling yourself you can’t, find someone who does that thing well. Then — volunteer to help them. Your job may be a menial task, but hold tight - a whole lotta magic is about to happen. Last week, as I continued further down the path of setting up my own business, I met with a coaching mentor. You see, I’m a visual learner — I learn best by watching people, mimicking, and adapting. While I’ve been enamored by the science of coaching and thankful to have learned all the tools through my certification, I am dearly missing seeing the art in practice. I was speaking with a mentor, and after being in awe of her skills for a few minutes, the impostor syndrome started settling in. Suddenly, my motivation was fading and I realized that a strong voice of self doubt was piping up. “You’ll never be as good as her. Time to stop trying.” Eager to dismiss the voice, I spoke up. “Sign me up for one of your team coaching events. I want to help. I’ll do anything. I’ll take notes!” Her welcoming tone and enthusiasm for helping me pulled me back up and gave me something to look forward to.
Think and then just do. Sometimes, you just have to press send. We tell ourselves a lot of stories, often catastrophizing, about what may happen. The truth is you’ll never know until you try. Once you put yourself out there, the worst thing that can happen is that you’re going to learn. My cousin recently shared Kobe Bryant’s explanation of failure — it doesn’t exist (start at 1:10). The only way that failure exists is if you don’t learn from it.
Renew and revisit your intention. It can be immensely powerful to revisit why you decided to do something in the first place. Ask yourself what you were hoping to learn, what you were hoping to accomplish, how you wanted to feel at the end of the journey. I’m currently visiting Acadia National Park in Maine with a group of college friends. Yesterday, I found myself at the bottom of the Beehive Trail looking up at a climb that seemed insurmountable (in short, “The first part of this trail ascends a 450-ft cliff with exposed edges. Steep drop offs with no railings require secure footings.”). I wanted so badly to opt out. My palms are sweating right now as I even think about the experience. At that moment, though, I had the presence of mind to revisit my intention. I had decided to come on the trip for two main reasons: 1) to spend time with a group of guys that I care deeply about, and 2) to challenge myself physically and feel the pain of progress. Reminding myself of these intentions strengthened my resolve and I persevered. Yes, I doubted myself. Yes, I felt anxious. But at the end, I finished the hike with my friends by my side, and felt a subtle sense of satisfaction.
Following my own advice
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written. Sometimes I felt as if what I had to say wasn’t important enough for you to spend your time reading. Sometimes I doubted my ability to write. I have 3 posts sitting in draft form, waiting for my courage to show up. And so, today, I revisit my intention and remind myself that I’m writing for my own well-being. I hope that this writing is helpful for you. I’m also asking for your help — let me know how this all is resonating with you by dropping a comment below or emailing me at asif@listenlabs.io. I’d love to hear from you.
Gratitude
This week I’d like to give a shout out to Penny Handscomb. Penny is a phenomenal mentor coach and wonderful human being. From our first meeting, I have felt as if her only purpose was to make me successful. Penny, thank you for being so giving with your time. I look forward to continuing to learn from you. Thank you also to my wife and children for always inspiring me to be better and for setting an example for me to follow. Love you with all my heart.
Take care everyone and talk soon,
Asif